You Know You're TTC When...

Well this has been in my draft for ages and I thought it was about time I finished it!  It started off small and then I've just been adding to it as things have come to me...  Have anything to add??

This is for every woman who can relate (whether past or present)--no matter your story. <3

You Know You're Trying to Conceive When...

1) You've become familiar with all the acronyms. (TTC = Trying to Conceive, DPO = Days Past Ovulation, AF = Aunt Flow, BFN = Big Fat Negative, BFP = Big Fat Postive, BBT = Basal Body Temperature, IUI = Intrauterine Insemination, CM = Cervical Mucus, etc.)

2) You've become a pro at all the ways to pinpoint your ovulation.

3) You stock up on pregnancy tests and ovulation kits at the Dollar Tree.

4) You have a thermometer on your nightstand.  (And BBT charts on your phone or paper nearby!)

5) You pop prenatal vitamins daily. (And maybe a few jillion other vitamins recommended by your doc)

6) Your fertility doctor's number is under Favorites on your phone.

7) Half of your month is spent not drinking alcohol or taking meds JUST IN CASE.

8) You have notes and folded over pages in your copy of "What to Expect BEFORE You're Expecting" (or any other TTC book).

9) You follow other #ttcsisters on Instagram. (Or even have your own TTC instagram account.)

10) You've tried things you never thought you would--like acupuncture!  Anything for baby, right??

11) You've learned 10x more than your 5th grade sex-ed class ever taught you on how babies were made.  (Anyone learn the size of a mature follicle before it releases its egg back then??)

12) You notice ANY little symptom that could hint at pregnancy.

13) You count ahead to see what month your baby would be born if you got pregnant this cycle.

14) You know (all too well) the emotional roller coaster that happens each month of hope, waiting, and disappointment (then back to hope and waiting again)!  Oh how important that hope is...

15) Your amount of doctor's appointments, lab tests, etc. have you feeling like TTC is your full time job.

16) Your wallet's HURTING...

17) At least you've scored one (or several) of Target's "5% off entire purchase" coupons from the amount of prescriptions you've filled at their pharmacy.

18) You hear of a friend's morning sickness or other pregnancy hardship and wish you could experience that, too (since it would mean a baby is on the way!)

19) You've learned all the things NOT to say to someone who's TTC (from hearing them yourself from well-meaning acquaintances).

20) You discover just how many others are struggling to get pregnant, and realize--you're not alone. <3

1st Day of Pre-K (Plus a FREE volume of Signing Time!!)

"Oh my gosh, it's happening...  Like right now, this is it!" I excitedly whispered to my husband as Ellie held up her "1st Day of Pre-K" sign proudly, unicorn backpack strapped to her back.

We had lived up this past summer.  I especially wanted to make the most of each day together, knowing these days weren't forever, and I kept tucking away little moments in my heart.  We excitedly counted down the days to September 1st (with alphabet cookies and everything), when Ellie would get to start her first official day of "real" school.

We searched high and low for the perfect little backpack (yay for Skip-Hop!).  We hit up Carter's for the first day of school outfit.  I even got a new lunchbox for E, even though she wouldn't be needing it at school just yet. (Can you tell I love this whole school thing??)

We got a postcard from her teacher, and she eagerly wrote a letter back.

Sounding out each letter as she writes.

We went to see the new classroom and meet her teacher (even scoped out the bathroom), and talked all about what school would be like.  I asked if she would want her to teacher to call her Ellie or Elizabeth, and she decided on Elizabeth. :)

We got "first day of school" books from the library, and read her favorite Berenstain Bears one again, too ("The Berenstain Bears Go to School").

I printed out the classic sign for her to hold for pictures, and got her morning routine all ready so she could practice a few times before the big day.

Then last night arrived--we laid out her clothes, made sure her backpack was ready, and went to bed.

When my alarm went off this morning, I smiled thinking, "It's really here... Ellie's first day of school."  I got myself ready before she was up, and David whipped up the pancake batter.  I had some playdough on the table for her to play with when she got up, and spelled out a special note for me "I LUV YOU." :)

She was so surprised when we started singing "Happy 1st Day of School to You," and brought out the special red plate with a candle for her to make a wish.  (She wished we could go to Sky High again--since we'd just closed out our summer break with it yesterday.)

I couldn't resist making "Pre K" pancakes, since my mom got me this fun pancake pen a while back that's been just too fun.  And I really wanted to make this day special for her.  I love family traditions, and I always loooved back to school as a kid (just ask my mom), so this mama has seriously been beyond excited for this big event.

Ellie asked a few times how many more minutes it was till school, so we didn't need to ask twice when it was time for her to put on her shoes and get her backpack.  As David helped her into her backpack, it just became that much more real.  Kind of like when you first find out you're pregnant, but it doesn't really hit you until you see that little gummy bear in the ultrasound and hear their little heartbeat??

So as we handed her the sign and I saw her beaming at me through the camera's viewfinder, my heart just melted.  It was happening.  Her first day of school was here.  And I couldn't be more proud.

Walking to school from our house.

We cracked up that she even drew a little picture of herself above her name. (Right above the second L)

The first thing the students do is get a book from the bookshelf and sit on the rug to look at it quietly.  She asked me where the books were, so I walked her over, helped her pick out an I Spy book, and then she was good to go. :)

David and I walked back to the house together (we're just 3 minutes away--love it!), and it felt so weird being in there without Ellie.  After I kissed him goodbye and he left for work, I sat down on the couch and thought... now what?  It feels so strange not having my chatty little buddy at home with me, asking constantly, "Mommy, would you like to play with me?"

I'm looking forward to the days I'll have where I'm not teaching classes where I'll get to just run errands quickly or get some house cleaning done, or work on Little Sign of Mine stuff, or exercise.  But it's definitely going to take time to adjust!  I always thought I'd have some one-on-one time with our next little one while Ellie was at school, so there's a sad emptiness there...  But I'm grateful for each season God is giving us, and I'm ready to go make the most of it.

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I love that Ellie's class will be practicing the alphabet in sing language--that was how I first came across my love for signing (in Kindergarten)!  I absolutely love how signing helps little ones learn and remember so many things.



So I'm excited to share that Signing Time is giving away a FREE episode!!!!  No loopholes or gimmicks, it's just yours!!  "Welcome to School" is Volume 13 from their first Signing Time series, and you can get it for free by entering your name and email here: http://www.signingtime.com/free-video/

One of the best things about this video is it has the ABCs at the end after the credits (which is how Ellie learned her ABCs before she was two!).  And even while Ellie was still one, we used a ton of signs from this video--like CRAYONS, PAPER, CHAIR, TABLE, NAME, PAY ATTENTION (when I would say, "Look at mama's eyes"), QUIET, READ, REST, PAINT, DRAW, and so many more!  Plus I love the song, "Hello Backpack." :)

Hope you'll enjoy it as much as we have!!

Secondary Infertility

Not knowing and having to wait for answers has got to be one of the toughest things in life.  Can I get an amen??  I still remember being in the NICU, holding our full-term baby Ellie all hooked up to monitors and an IV, waiting to find out what on earth was going on.  It was heart-wrenching.

Similarly, one of the hardest things for me about navigating this infertility road has been not knowing WHY we couldn't seem to get pregnant.  The first time I'd heard the term "secondary infertility" was in the comment section of a favorite blogger's post about her journey to getting pregnant.  I have to say, it FREAKED me out.  My husband and I had just had a miscarriage and I was still healing before we could try again.  And all of a sudden I was terror-stricken that we weren't going to be able to have another baby.

The Lord gently reminded me that in Him there is no fear, and I'm so glad He pushed that aside so I wasn't daily living in that fear (I swear I think it would've crippled me).

The good that came from that was it corrected something I was mistaken about--that it gets easier to get pregnant each time.  I don't know why I thought that.  Maybe I'd heard so many instances of that after it took us a bit of time to get pregnant with our daughter, Ellie.  I hoped for that ease for sure.  So learning about this thing called "secondary infertility" helped me realize that that wasn't necessarily the case.

For those wondering--secondary infertility is basically where you've successfully had a baby before (without fertility treatment), and now you're either not able to get pregnant again on your own, or you keep miscarrying.

I gave it a year, knowing that it could take a year for even a young, healthy couple to get pregnant.  I even gave it a little more time, thinking it was bound to happen soon.  Right?  It had to happen soon... Okay, any day now... No, still not happening?  My husband had just changed jobs and we hadn't figured out our new insurance yet.  But with each negative pregnancy test I started to feel like something must be up.

My husband and I went through every thought in the book--maybe it was because of a new medication I was taking.  Maybe something had gone wrong from the miscarriage and emergency D&C.  Oh look, this website says to stay away from hot tubs and boxer briefs.  This one says to take these supplements.  Okay so that should help.  Still nothing.  I thought it had to be me.  He thought it must be him.  Maybe my tubes had become blocked.  I even wondered if this was going to be God's way of alerting us to some bigger health scare that was going on.

It was horrible not knowing.  I was finally able to schedule an appointment with a general practitioner who would then refer me to an OB, and I started down the road of physicals and blood tests, etc.  David got good news on his end so we kept wondering what it could be.

My referral for an OB took longer than we thought, and then a mishap with the referral letter and a new insurance number prevented me from being seen.  (Oh the tears of frustration that day!)  The new referral letter came, and I was disappointed to see it was for an entirely different doctor's office. (I'd already filled out paperwork, etc. and had an appointment ready to go at the first one.)

But what do you know, it was for a fertility specialist.  Hey!  That might be even better! I thought, and called to schedule an appointment right away.  (This was in February of this year--2015.)  The cheerful voice that greeted me asked if I'd be available Monday, June 15th at 1:30pm.  Inside my heart sunk, but I quickly picked my jaw up off the floor and said, "Yes, that should be fine."  (Haha, as far as I knew I didn't have any plans for FOUR MONTHS OUT.)  I tried to stay optimistic.  Maybe by June we'll know what problems we're up against and may need the fertility specialist!  "Would you like to be called if anything earlier opens up?" the receptionist asked.  "Sure, that'd be great!" I answered.

Y'all... that very week she called me back with an opening for the following Monday.

I couldn't believe it!  Thank you, Lord!! I laughed and was so excited.  Until I opened my email with the paperwork and saw how much the initial consultation was... $$$  Cue heart sinking again.

Soon I was able to get a hold of our insurance provider to ask what coverage (if any) we might have to see a fertility specialist.  And what do you know--thank you husband's job--the consultation was covered!  Lab work, ultrasounds, appointments, medications--everything for testing and diagnosing had a very reasonable copay, and the only thing we'd be up against was if we needed treatment.  I was so surprised and thankful.

And after that glorious first consultation with our fertility doctor, the best way to describe how I felt, was I could finally breathe. *big exhale.*

I finally saw potential for a light at the end of the tunnel.  I didn't have to keep assertively trying to schedule appointments at different places and press doctors to tell us the next step we should take.  We might actually find out answers soon. (!!)  There was more hope than ever before that a baby could be in our future after all, and we were relieved to be in such good hands.  We're so thankful the Lord led us to this doctor!

It's been a few months now of routine appointments--so much so that Ellie has gotten the drill down pat (where to get her lollipop, where to stamp our parking pass, etc. haha).  With each test we've done, we've anxiously awaited the results, and with relief (mixed with confusion) we've continuously gotten good results.  Which is great and all--but the doctor knew if we found a problem, she could fix it.  We were starting to feel discouraged (or mostly confused) again, until the day we did our post coital test.   (Sounds so scientific huh?!)

Well... it's with great relief that I can FINALLY say we have figured out at least one of the contributing causes for our infertility.  And it's not as scary as I thought!  It's even something that can change over time (which is why we were able to get pregnant before--and who knows, maybe things will go completely normally for future kiddos.)  But for now, it's looking like IUI (intra-uterine insemination) will hopefully be a great treatment for us.  That was a relief for David to hear, too, as it's MUCH more affordable than IVF.  So hopefully this will be what God uses to grow our family!!

So there you have it... our journey to--first realizing we're facing secondary infertility--to then navigating it, and finding our first steps in hopefully beating it.

We know it can take several times doing IUI before it could potentially work for us (and obviously there's no guarantee--there could be something else going on that we haven't come across yet).  But it feels amazing to know we're taking steps forward, and that there's actually a chance that I COULD be pregnant soon!  While I'm teetering between hopeful and realistic, I'm just beyond thankful that things are happening.  I'm incredibly thankful for our doctor.  I'm grateful to be walking this road with such supportive and prayerful friends and family.  And I'm just feeling ready to ride out this roller coaster to see where God leads us.

Hopefully it's to baby town!

Until then... {Growth}

Previous posts in this "series" from a little over a year ago: Until then... {Gratitude}  and  Until then... {Being Proactive}

It took a long time for me to say the words.  That my husband and I are struggling with infertility.  It felt so final, so heavy, and so scary--full of unknowns.  Up until then I was just saying it was "taking longer for us to get pregnant" this time around.  After all, we'd been able to get pregnant two times before.  So I wasn't "infertile," right??

Our little ones' "numbers" are etched in my head, because each one tells a story.

Ellie--7 months to conceive.  I remember not knowing if it was going to happen for us.  At the 6 month mark I finally let myself cry.  And that day became the one I wrote on all the paperwork for "Date of Last Period," giving us our due date for sweet little Peanut.

Pistachio--1 month.  I remember we had just decided in June 2012 that we were ready to start trying. Not knowing what it'd look like this time around, but hoping it didn't take as long.  We couldn't believe it happened on our first shot!  Ellie was 15 months when we found out--they were going to be a precious 23 months apart.  And then we lost our little one at 10 weeks.

And now--here we are at 26 months and counting... (with another negative yesterday)

Sometimes I can't believe it's been 3 years since our date at the Irvine Spectrum where we sat at the Wood Ranch Bar & Grill, and decided we were excited to start trying for a brother or sister for Ellie... I look at our spunky 4-year-old, ready to start pre-K in the fall, and I can't believe that still hasn't happened.  That there's going to be about a 5-year age gap (minimum) between her and her next sibling.  And my heart aches...

These are the hard things.  The monthly roller coaster of hoping and being disappointed.  The negative pregnancy tests.  The longing.  The sadness that comes when well-meaning people ask, "Is she your only one?"

But each month I also know God has a plan for our family.  I cling to the hope that He will be glorified through our family.  And each month I have seen God stretch me and grow me in ways I never would have without experiencing infertility.  I've learned things about God--our Father and Creator--that wouldn't have been nearly as meaningful.  I've been tested as a friend, and have learned more than ever how to truly rejoice with others, even amidst my own pain.  I've learned how to wait.  I've learned what a miracle life is.  I've learned how to not be in control.

This time is precious.  By recognizing my deep need for God each day as I struggle through infertility, I end up walking closer in step with Him than if things were going according to "my plan."  You better believe I can't wait for this trial to be over.  But I'm also strangely grateful that God has entrusted us with this painful journey.  It has shaped me in more ways than I even know.  And I pray that He'll continue to use this time to grow me into the friend, the wife, the woman, and the mom that He has called me to be.

If only growing pains didn't hurt so much... ;)

Pinch Me...

This is the story of how Ellen Degeneres blessed my socks off.

It all started when my friend Ashley invited me to go to the Ellen show with her...

You know, just another ordinary day...

touring the WB studios in Burbank... 

hanging out on the Central Perk set of Friend's... 

seeing Ellen Degeneres... (along with Emily Blunt, Ansel Elgort, and of course--Twitch!)...

Photo cred: The Ellen Show

Photo cred: The Ellen Show

and going home with a Bvlgari necklace, a 2-year subscription to Netflix, and a Samsung Galaxy S3 mini phone.

Photo cred: The Ellen Show

Photo cred: The Ellen Show

WHAAAAT!!! :)  

We were ecstatic the entire day...  My face seriously hadn't hurt from smiling that much since my wedding.  And apparently it showed--we were invited to come back to another show!!

In the end it worked out that I brought a good friend, Jen (who got some air time asking guest DJ Loni Love for romance advice!).

We got to dance next to Ellen and were completely star-struck. :D  And then it was game time... I still remember hearing Ellen reveal what the players would be playing for.  My mouth dropped at the amazingness that was this prize--I was just in total awe for whoever would get to win it.  And then I heard Ellen say my name...

"Where are... Bethany Sloan and Alisha Michaelson?!?!"  

HOLY PICKIN COW, ELLEN DEGENERES did NOT just say MY NAME!!!

All of a sudden I'm running down to the stage, hugging Ellen, and jumping up and down.  Guys, it was INSANE.  Amidst the blur of it all I remember how piercingly beautiful Ellen's blue eyes were up close, and hoping I was showing enough how excited I felt inside!!

Photo cred: The Ellen Show

You can see the clip of our trivia game, Farmville 2 Nashville, here!!

The story behind the Beyonce answer was my favorite part--neither Alisha nor I knew the answer to, "Who is the mom of Blue Ivy?" so we tried turning to the audience for help.  I had a chance to steal, and I could tell my bud Jen knew the answer, but there was absolutely no way to hear her shouting to me with the entire audience shouting, too.  Ironically, just before the taping, the audience had been warming up by doing Beyonce's infamous dance to "Crazy in Love," so Jen just starts busting it out, using charades to help me get it!!  As soon as I saw that it CLICKED and I got my ONE point!! Hahaha.  

So the lovely Alisha wins the game and the amazing prize, but gotta love Ellen who gives prizes to her losers too, because hours later I'm busting through my front door and announcing to my husband, 

"WE'RE GOING TO NASHVILLE, BABY!!!!  

AND we're going to THE CMT AWARDS!!!!  

AND we get to meet KEITH URBAN!!!!!"  

Shocked, laughing, and hugging, David kept exclaiming over and over, "BABE.... Are you SERIOUS?!?!  SERIOUSLY??!!  WHAAT!!!!  BABE!!"

It still felt unreal when Alisha and I were boarding the plane at LAX with our country music-loving husbands just three weeks later.  (Gotta love that they were just as excited as we were!!)

And thanks to an incredible integration between Farmville 2 Country Escape, Ellen, and Keith Urban, we were given the trip of a LIFETIME.  Round-trip tickets to Nashville, a 5-nights' stay in a hotel, tickets to the Country Music Television Awards, a surprise opportunity to rub elbows with all of our fav country celebs on the RED CARPET before the awards, a meet-and-greet with Keith Urban, AND surprise tickets to the Country Music Association (CMA) Festival that was going down that weekend!!!

We're talkin SECOND ROW SEATS to THREE NIGHTS of concerts, where we got to see Tim McGraw, Luke Bryan, Rascal Flatts, Alabama, Dierks Bentley, Brantley Gilbert, Blake Shelton, Eric Church, Miranda Lambert, Jason Aldean, The Band Perry, Sara Evans, Travis Tritt, Florida Georgia Line, Darius Rucker, Little Big Town, and Keith Urban!!!  

HOLY MOLY GUACAMOLE... It seriously just kept getting better... and Better... and BETTER.  

I even got to see the incredibly handsome and charming Chip Esten, who plays my favorite character Deacon on my FAVORITE drama, Nashville (which is returning for its 3rd season this fall on ABC, woot woot!!!)

Y'all, we can't even capture what an amazing time we had and how thankful we are, or how blessed we feel to have gotten to experience all that...  We especially loved gaining a friendship out of it--with Alisha and her husband, Sven!  Both of us got to use this trip as an early anniversary trip, and man will we never be able to top this one!!!  We kept saying it was a trip of a lifetime, and man was it... 

Photo cred: Keith Urban, AKA master selfie taker

The Ellen Show put together a clip of our time on the red carpet for the CMT Awards, and you can check it out here!  I also have several more pictures on Instagram (@bethanyjanae)

And for those who are curious--the award show aired live on June 4th, and the CMA Fest will be airing on ABC on August 5th.  

Back home I've still been riding the high from the trip by rewatching the first two seasons of Nashville on Hulu, and by ordering a huge sampling from Nashville's Loveless Cafe online store that I cooked for David for Father's Day (complete with sweet tea). :)

Also, I'm pretty sure I'm still weaning off a slight accent.  I just love the south too much...

Thank you a MILLION--to Ellen "the most generous and wonderful talk show host" Degeneres, to Farmville 2 Country Escape, and to Keith "the handsome Aussie cowboy" Urban!!!